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Home: Video University Forums: Filmmakers & Screenwriters:
Raise the Britannic screenplay

X-Raymond_Leggs_
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May 15, 2004, 9:42 PM

Post #1 of 6 (1419 views)
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Raise the Britannic screenplay	Can't Post

Hi I am a 9th grade high school student tryng to make a movie
and I am posting a section of my screenplay
and I want You forum users to help me critique it.
>............>
Raise the Britannic
Cut to Ext. HMHS Britannic
cut to in HMHS Britannic the white hospital ship steams acoss the agean se with little whifs of gray smoke pouring from its four yellow smokestacks
The Captain walks over to the engine telegraph and faces a Young officer
Captain: "Be sure to check to see if the beds in the main infirmary are ready Mr. Townsend
Mr. Townsend: "yes sir"
Captain Bartlett : "Go on then"
The captain turns around only to be nearly knocked down by the force of a deadening explosion that
rocks the ship.
Mr. Townsend Races Back into the bridge
Cut to Ext. HMHS Britannic
cut to in HMHS Britannic
. Townsend : what in jesus name was that"?

As the ship begins to heel to starboard the sound of falling items resounded through the 882 1/2 foot
ship A nurse walks into the bridge of the dying vessel
Captain: "Get in your lifeboats please
The captain turns to the Quartermaster and says "Keep on course We might be able to beach Her
Cut to the Life boats lowering away from the side of the sinking ship
the Britannic starts to settle by the bow even lower
A rumble comes from deep within the ship and the Nurses and crew members panic and force them
selves into lifeboats.
Mr. Townsend Attempts to grab the megaphone off the officer's Quarters wall But He Is Grabbed By
An ugly Man with Dirty Clothing and A ragged Beard The ugly Man Points a gun at Mr. Townsend's
Genitals and Says " Take Me to the vault"
The Funny Looking Man pulls The Young officer by his tunic down the stairs and deeper into the ship
The trudged town a sea soaked carpet
Mr. Townsend Opens up a hatch in the floor and Lies
"Sorry its completely Flooded"
The Man pushes Him out of the Way and Steps down a steel Ladder and into the water
He opens the vault and seals himself in Muttering thank "God for Southsby thank god for Southsby....."
the Ship List More severely As the Captain stands alone in silence on the bridge as he watches the
Folksel plunges below the Aegean sea
The ship submerges to the bridge and the captain steps off into the sea the HMHS Britannic Rolls Over
on her starboard side in 300 feet of water Her 882 1/2 foot length had disappeared in its entirety
Underwater the Bow gets stuck in the mud and the rest of her length wants to fall so she tears at her
forward well deck leaving her scared as she is known today
Fade To Black:

Music by John Barry

Based in part on the novel Raise the Titanic by Clive cusseler
Special thanks to the Titanic research and Modeling association (TRMA)
www.titanic-model.com
A Raymond leggs film
Based on the characters created by Clive Cusseler and Raymond Leggs
featuring Lauren Rostron
Titanic and Britannic photo montage appears on screen
cut to
the Background (the main Title theme starts)
The camera zooms in on the centermost 006 and goes through the letters (helicopter shot)
to reveal a body of snowy? land E camera flies over the snowy land as the credits appear

cut to a snowy landscape near the sea most likely NOVAYA ZEMLA by the sea appears on the screen
as these credits appear
Cut to a person in a big thick coat trekking through an unpolluted part of Alaska near barrow the
camera zooms in to reveal its only a young female probably around 11 to 13 years of age.
Cut to Ext Washington Dc.
2 men walk In front of a wrought Iron fence which sits on top of white painted Brick
There is a familiar white building sitting behing
Man 1: "you telling me there is someone on an Island As we speak

Man 2: " We sent someone on a recognescence Mission
The first guy walks up yo a gaurds post.
The girl drops her bag and starts to dig a hole frantically with a spade
she slides into the hole into an old mine shaft she pulls out a flashlight
The girl shines her light on the mine shaft floor as she creeps deeper into the cave her light shine on old
equipment when suddenly the light shins on a corpse that was frozen stiff a message that was burned in
a board nearby
here lies Sgt. Jake Rode' froze in a storm December 10th 1911
And on the floor was an old newspaper dated sometime in 1911
A muffled thump is heard from above she puts on her pack and heads for the surface
A man in a uniform with an Ak-47 chases her down until he yells Halt !!!!
He fires 2 shots at her one grazes her the other hits her in the stomach and she falls to the ground. She
try to crawl her way across the snow The Man realizes a Rokwielder the mean dog starts to attack her
Suddenly a shot rings out in the distance and the dog lets out a loud cry and falls to the ground and
then a red dot appears in the man's head and he falls to the ground with a few blood spurts from is head
a person in a heavy coat with a gun picks up the girl and treks through the snow with her on his back
cut to a low flying chopper speeding long the Atlantic to a large gray warship
interior-chopper
A young man takes the coat off the girl revealing a blood stained blue shirt and a shallow bullet wound
in the lower abdomen A with the last name Pitt written on his name badge
crawled over to the wounded girl trying to establish whether the swung is serious he shines a mini
flash light at the wound revealing the torn tissues inside her stomach and the shine of the bullet in the
wound .
Captain Pitt : "Its not as bad as I expected but there is a high chance of infection setting in".
The pilot points down to the sea Pitt and the young man look down to see a light cruiser sitting dead in
the water
cut to Washington naval offices

X-james
Imported Account

May 16, 2004, 9:59 PM

Post #2 of 6 (1419 views)
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Re: Raise the Britannic screenplay	Can't Post

it's good buddy.
i'm glad you posted the hook for the film and not some portion in the middle somewhere.
it seems to be progressing nicely but as always it's very hard to give advice on such a short portion of a feature.
good luck

X-Raymond_
Imported Account

May 16, 2004, 10:59 PM

Post #3 of 6 (1419 views)
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Re: Raise the Britannic screenplay [In reply to]	Can't Post

this is a latter part of my screenplay
Cut To:
We hear the sound of a helicopter in the air as we pan over from a navy ship to the bow of the
britannic we get a low semi areal veiw of the bitannic with its mud caked decks and water
draining from its hull we vcan see through the shatterd bridge windows and on to the fallen
booms and cables on the bow of the britannic's decks and the rust streaming down from the
anchor.
Cut To DEck Of the Britannic
Oriana Looks over the railing to see an Iraqi Cruiser sitting in the horizon
ORIANA
What about that ship over there why is it by itself"?
ANDY
Its been there for a long time justdont pay any attention to it babe"
CUt To: John Pitt Holds a folded british ensign under his arm as he walks the muddy debris strewn
decks And He passes Men chipping the concrete like encrustations off the railings and the
men Blasting the mud with hugh pressure hoses Pitt Walks in to the prominade deck and Into
tho The ships dining room He opens the waterlogged door and among the battered water weary
furnature and among the elegant colums He looks at the floor tiling before aproaching the
hansomely crafted mud caked grand staircase He Looks up at the elegant glass dome in which
rays of sunlight shine through the shattered glass panels.
He walks around And Heads out of the room and Back to the stern until he reaches the fantail and he
hoists the faded and tattered flag and it flaps in the breeze. as a helicopter lands on the deck.
Cut to Uss. "Ingersoll
" Admiral sandecker gets out of a helicopter as it lands on the rear of the naval vessel
and he walks into a deckhouse He walks into a paneled room and sits down with some papers
in front of a bunch of men.
Cut to Ext Iraqui Cruiser the Al Tirkrit
cut to Inc Cruiser

2 men stand in the wheelhouse of the Iraqi cruiser
Captain Heusahn
"Looks Like we found our target sir "
Captain Saidib
" I'll send you a helicopter"
Captain Heusein looks through his Binoculars as a warship starts to steam into the distance"
Cut To int dining room of
The Britannic we see that floding tables and computers and crates have been been setup and thd shps
Interiors are drained Pitt and seageam sit at a table with some books and a raidio on it Lauren
sits atop one of the crates in a halter and a pair of jeans
Oriana is no whre to be seen Admiral sandecker walks into the room and He brings in the bad news

ADMIRAL SANDECKER
"The Iraqui's want to send a man over a captain Husein"
JOHN PITT
" Just send him over we might as well just listen to what he's got to say"
Cut To Ext A helicopter flies over to the britannic and lands on the deck
A man walks out and climbs a stairway"
The captain walks into the big dining room
CAPTAIN HEUSEIN
"We know about the byzanium"
JOHN PITT
"Well Its useless in your hands"
CAPTAIN HEUSEIN
"If this sicilian project actuauly actualy a success then Iraq must have it to insure the security
of if its people we are just as determind to ooohh and its not useless Mr pitt"
JOHN PITT
"Listen Here This ship is united states government property now and any agressive
action will be retaliated by force"
suddenly a shot ring out from an Iraqui behind a medcaked window
Six men come in with guns and pit fires his Whalter PPK
Andy Runs and graps his gun a big sunfight eruppa s and suddenly the bullets stop

Captain Huusein
"Well I see no submarines No aircraft No gunturrents aimed at us Mr Pitt Your Bluffing you coward"
{He leaves in defeat or does he]....................................
Cut TO EXT BRITANNIC FULL SHOT the winds blow on the water producing a light spray and lots of
little vaves
Cut To Bridge of the Britannic!
JOHN PITT
"When Will those tugs be here the winds are picking up"
ANDY
" They should have been here an hour ago"
CUT TO EXT NIGHT FULL SHOT BRITANNIC!

the winds have piched up quite abit it is raining and there are larger waves forming as the ship bounces
in incoming waves lightnoning produces a photograpic like flash and the thuner sounds like
atomic Bombs,
CUt to Ext deck of Britannic!
Lauren holds onto the rail as winds buffet her and the rain plasters her hair to her head and lightning
and the vaves crash against the side of the hull
cut to ext The Iraqui Cruiser begins to plow through the relentless seas
Cut To Ext Deck of the britannic
John pitt looks over the rail and he sees the cruiser tailind them
JOHN PITT
"that cruisers been folowing us"
Cut TO INT BRIDGE OF THE AL-TIRKRIT
Captain Heusahn
"There she is Captain"
Captain saudib
"I,l get the men and the boat ready"

Captain Heusahn
"Well Those americans wont think twice about suspecting a takeover

Cut TO Ext A YEllow Speedboat hops over the waves with ease
Cut To Bridge
LAuren sees the boat coming .
LAUREN
"John I think We have Trouble"
she hears no answer and turns around to find him gone
Laurn Immediately Runs down a stairwell
CUT TO INT YELLOW BOAT
Heusahn sits in the boat with a group of armed men and picks up a walkie talkie
HEusahn
"This is Heusahan We're alongside the Britannic!
The men fire grappling hooks ant they attach themselves to the railings
Men in black start climbing the ropes
Cut TO INT Britannic Lauren stumbles down the grand stircase
Andy turns around ro see her when
2 men storm into the room with guns
the men pull out the guns as men begin to rush the staircase and fire A western style shoot out breaks out
Star careens down the staircase curled up in a little blonde headed ball she sparls out and she yanks an Iraqi down she gives him a round house kick and he falls down the grand staircase and smashes his head on a fallen light fixture. Star picks up pitts whalter PPK as it slides along the deck pitt gets kicked by Captain heusein and he falls down the staircase blood streams from his busted lip.
Andy Fires his snubnose at an Iraqui and he falls to the ground one deck below.
Star rams the tipof tht barell of a rifle into an Iraqi's head and blood steams out of his nose mouth
ears and he falls to the ground she hurls her body into Mr Tirkrit and he falls down the staircase and into a
brass kickplate he looses consiousness.
Cut To Ext Deck Of the Britannic
Pitt gets smashed against one of the britannics cowling vents as he craws across the boat to the helicoper tied to the wave beaten deck
He attempts to grab the helicoptors landing ski when the helicopter gets torn away from the deck and carreens off the side of the ship pitt gets rammed against the railing cutting a gash in his scalp.
Cut TO Int Ships Dining room
Star Ride gets a meanlooking smile on her face as she holds a rifle in her hands
Pitt has his arms crossed
STAR RIDE
"Come on take me on ass"
The Iraquis continue to hold the weopons in thier hands

X-Brian
Imported Account

May 21, 2004, 11:09 PM

Post #4 of 6 (1418 views)
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Re: Raise the Britannic screenplay [In reply to]	Can't Post

Hey Raymond.
Im also around your age, about a year older (im a sophmore in high school). If you'd like to 'compare notes' or just talk to somebody with similar movie-making interestes, shoot me an e-mail or hit me up on instant messanger, Jaminme@aol.com. Cool.

X-Doug_Graham
Imported Account

Jun 1, 2004, 3:06 PM

Post #5 of 6 (1419 views)
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Re: Raise the Britannic screenplay [In reply to]	Can't Post

Nice.
Be aware that in order to make a movie based on a book, you must purchase the film rights from the author. With highly popular works like Cussler's, some studio or other usually has an option on these rights, tying them up. If it's just a project for fun, then press on.
Being a writer, I'm very sensitive to spelling errors. So, even though these comments don't strictly affect the worth of your screenplay as a screenplay:
forecastle. Pronounced "foc'sle". The raised area at the front of a sailing ship. Quarterdeck. Raised area at the back of a sailing ship, from which the officers commanded the vessel. Replaced on modern steamships by the bridge.
reconnaissance: Military term for "scouting ahead". Related to "reconnoiter".
Rottweiler. A large doggie, reminiscent of a Doberman Pinscher on steroids. Usually looks fiercer than he is.
Regards,
Doug Graham

X-Ismail_Busari
Imported Account

Jul 1, 2004, 4:07 PM

Post #6 of 6 (1419 views)
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Re: Raise the Britannic screenplay [In reply to]	Can't Post

: Hi I am a 9th grade high school student tryng to make a movie
: and I am posting a section of my screenplay
: and I want You forum users to help me critique it.
: >............>
: Raise the Britannic
: Cut to Ext. HMHS Britannic
: cut to in HMHS Britannic the white hospital ship steams acoss the agean se with little whifs of gray smoke pouring from its four yellow smokestacks
: The Captain walks over to the engine telegraph and faces a Young officer
: Captain: "Be sure to check to see if the beds in the main infirmary are ready Mr. Townsend
: Mr. Townsend: "yes sir"
: Captain Bartlett : "Go on then"
: The captain turns around only to be nearly knocked down by the force of a deadening explosion that
: rocks the ship.
: Mr. Townsend Races Back into the bridge
: Cut to Ext. HMHS Britannic
: cut to in HMHS Britannic
: . Townsend : what in jesus name was that"?
:
: As the ship begins to heel to starboard the sound of falling items resounded through the 882 1/2 foot
: ship A nurse walks into the bridge of the dying vessel
: Captain: "Get in your lifeboats please
: The captain turns to the Quartermaster and says "Keep on course We might be able to beach Her
: Cut to the Life boats lowering away from the side of the sinking ship
: the Britannic starts to settle by the bow even lower
: A rumble comes from deep within the ship and the Nurses and crew members panic and force them
: selves into lifeboats.
: Mr. Townsend Attempts to grab the megaphone off the officer's Quarters wall But He Is Grabbed By
: An ugly Man with Dirty Clothing and A ragged Beard The ugly Man Points a gun at Mr. Townsend's
: Genitals and Says " Take Me to the vault"
: The Funny Looking Man pulls The Young officer by his tunic down the stairs and deeper into the ship
: The trudged town a sea soaked carpet
: Mr. Townsend Opens up a hatch in the floor and Lies
: "Sorry its completely Flooded"
: The Man pushes Him out of the Way and Steps down a steel Ladder and into the water
: He opens the vault and seals himself in Muttering thank "God for Southsby thank god for Southsby....."
: the Ship List More severely As the Captain stands alone in silence on the bridge as he watches the
: Folksel plunges below the Aegean sea
: The ship submerges to the bridge and the captain steps off into the sea the HMHS Britannic Rolls Over
: on her starboard side in 300 feet of water Her 882 1/2 foot length had disappeared in its entirety
: Underwater the Bow gets stuck in the mud and the rest of her length wants to fall so she tears at her
: forward well deck leaving her scared as she is known today
: Fade To Black:
:
: Music by John Barry
:
: Based in part on the novel Raise the Titanic by Clive cusseler
: Special thanks to the Titanic research and Modeling association (TRMA)
: www.titanic-model.com
: A Raymond leggs film
: Based on the characters created by Clive Cusseler and Raymond Leggs
: featuring Lauren Rostron
: Titanic and Britannic photo montage appears on screen
: cut to
: the Background (the main Title theme starts)
: The camera zooms in on the centermost 006 and goes through the letters (helicopter shot)
: to reveal a body of snowy? land E camera flies over the snowy land as the credits appear
:
:
:
: cut to a snowy landscape near the sea most likely NOVAYA ZEMLA by the sea appears on the screen
: as these credits appear
: Cut to a person in a big thick coat trekking through an unpolluted part of Alaska near barrow the
: camera zooms in to reveal its only a young female probably around 11 to 13 years of age.
: Cut to Ext Washington Dc.
: 2 men walk In front of a wrought Iron fence which sits on top of white painted Brick
: There is a familiar white building sitting behing
: Man 1: "you telling me there is someone on an Island As we speak
:
: Man 2: " We sent someone on a recognescence Mission
: The first guy walks up yo a gaurds post.
: The girl drops her bag and starts to dig a hole frantically with a spade
: she slides into the hole into an old mine shaft she pulls out a flashlight
: The girl shines her light on the mine shaft floor as she creeps deeper into the cave her light shine on old
: equipment when suddenly the light shins on a corpse that was frozen stiff a message that was burned in
: a board nearby
: here lies Sgt. Jake Rode' froze in a storm December 10th 1911
: And on the floor was an old newspaper dated sometime in 1911
: A muffled thump is heard from above she puts on her pack and heads for the surface
: A man in a uniform with an Ak-47 chases her down until he yells Halt !!!!
: He fires 2 shots at her one grazes her the other hits her in the stomach and she falls to the ground. She
: try to crawl her way across the snow The Man realizes a Rokwielder the mean dog starts to attack her
: Suddenly a shot rings out in the distance and the dog lets out a loud cry and falls to the ground and
: then a red dot appears in the man's head and he falls to the ground with a few blood spurts from is head
: a person in a heavy coat with a gun picks up the girl and treks through the snow with her on his back
: cut to a low flying chopper speeding long the Atlantic to a large gray warship
: interior-chopper
: A young man takes the coat off the girl revealing a blood stained blue shirt and a shallow bullet wound
: in the lower abdomen A with the last name Pitt written on his name badge
: crawled over to the wounded girl trying to establish whether the swung is serious he shines a mini
: flash light at the wound revealing the torn tissues inside her stomach and the shine of the bullet in the
: wound .
: Captain Pitt : "Its not as bad as I expected but there is a high chance of infection setting in".
: The pilot points down to the sea Pitt and the young man look down to see a light cruiser sitting dead in
: the water
: cut to Washington naval offices